Do you want to know what the worst sound is ever? I mean the worst? Well before you start envisioning hysterically screaming children, rabid snarl-toothed bunny rabbits or something, I’ll tell you. Dripping. Dripping is the absolute worst sound you can hear. Drip, drip, drip… its such a quiet sound… very stealth, yet instantly wreaks havoc on all those who hear it.
The worst way to hear a drip is coming from the ceiling and kurplunking all the way to the floor. Splat. Just like that. There you are minding your own business, washing dishes and splat. There it goes again. Splat. Where is that coming from? Ah-ha the ceiling. Splat. Definitely from the ceiling. Why is my ceiling leaking? Splat. Is it raining? Oh, wait this is a two story house! Splat. Why is my ceiling leaking if I’m on the bottom floor?! Splat-splat. Wait a minute. Is the Dripping getting worse? Splat-splat-splat. The dripping is definitely getting worse! Splat-splat-splat-splat! AHHHHH! OK, Ok don’t panic… go check. Just go sees what it could be- Splat-splat-splat-splat. Don’t be scared, go… Splat-splat-splat-splat-splat. NOW!
So you run. As you are climbing the stairs two at a time you begin to hear mad-crazed giggling. So you run faster. This cannot be good! You are renting this house darn it! The giggling is coming from the bathroom. You remember too late, the two boys you sent up to take their bath over 20 minutes ago! You also remember in a split second, the scene of a film you were watching recently when the whole entire bathroom falls through the roof and lands on the dinner table, because of a leaking ceiling. You run faster! The giggling turns into howls of laughter shrieking with excitement at some unknown catastrophe exactly at the same second your hand reaches the handle and finds that it’s locked. By the way, you’re also standing in a growing puddle of water.
HEY! You yell, as you pound on the door. But this cannot be heard over all of the uproar. So you use every superhuman ounce of strength you possess and pound on the door hard enough to rock the house and scream, “TURN OFF THE WATER NOW!!!”. Silence. Finally. Now you can very clearly hear water pouring downstairs onto the tile. “OPEN THIS DOOR!!”
“Mom, is that you?”
“OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!!!!”
“Mom, did we have an earth quake?”
“OPEN THE DOOR!”
“But, mom, we felt the whole bathroom shake, was there an earthquake?”
“NO THAT WAS ME! NOW OPEN THIS DOOR BEFORE I BREAK IT DOWN!”
“Ok, Ok, I’m opening it. There. I had to get a towel.”
What you see will shock all forms of mammals, fowl and even fish life:
Every towel you own (and even some you don’t own) will be soaked at the bottom of the tub, which is brimming full of water, so full that as your four year old son who is happily swimming (definitely swimming, not bathing) in this towel chaos stands up, water pours over the edge and soaks through your shoes. Great. Fabulous. But, oh that’s not all… you find your two brand new bottles of kid’s shampoo, empty and lying on the floor. Next to 5, yes five, rolls of soggy toilet paper. Along with this, is their saturated clothing and shoes, the bathroom rugs and a whole slew of hot wheels cars scattered everywhere.
Let me warn you now--when this happens to you--at this point do not, I mean whatever you do, DO NOT ask, “What have you been doing in here?” You may think that now would be the perfect opportunity to know and that you would really like some explanations but trust me on this, you don’t. Just drag your children out of the bathroom dry them off, ground them until they are 50 and put them to work cleaning up the mess. I promise you, just leave it at that… Because if you don’t, if you just have to know, Then I am sorry. You will have to suffer the consequences as your darling four your old, smiles very widely and exclaims, “Bathtub Slides!” Then before you can even protest, budge, shriek, whatever… one of the towels will be behind his behind and he will be sliding down the edge into the brimming tub, literally shooting gallons of water over every dry area of your body.
After you recover from the shock of lukewarm bathwater drenching you from head to toe, you will not even be able to sputter out the proper scolding. You and your boys will be laughing so hard that any scold at all sounds even funnier and not at all believable. Believe me, I know. Sometimes it's just better not to ask.