Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Her Royal Majesty Miss Kathryn Elizabeth James (Our Dog)
What is it with dogs and the second you all settle down for the evening watching a movie/playing a game/wrestling with the kids, whatever… they slink all stealth like out of whichever room you’re in and create havoc somewhere else in the house? I mean seriously, our practically perfect pure bred princess will be sitting/laying in the same room as you and then wham, she turns into this midnight cloak and dagger chief operations manager and literally disappears without a trace. And how is it possible a overly fluffy medium sized black and silver dog can literally creep past without being noticed by anyone in the family?
“Where’s Kathryn?” you ask your room full of children.
All 6 possible witnesses shrug simultaneously.
“Didn’t anyone see the dog leave?”
They all shake there heads no.
“Well, someone better go find her and see what she’s doing QUICK, or the Herby Fully Loaded is getting turned off.”
All six kids scatter.
And what could my practically perfect pure bred princess be doing that would get me worried you ask?
Well, let’s see… what does a beautiful dog normally do all by herself? Umm… Could it be cleaning her dainty snow colored paws? Or, plumping her naturally fluffy fur? Or, gazing flirtatiously at her gorgeous reflection? Or, taking a much expected cat nap to create the perfect beauty sleep schedule? Uh… yeah, right. OK, the answers to these questions and many more of a similar nature are:
No. No. HECK No! And No.
What my DARLING Princess chooses to do is to proceed to the nearest trash can…
Ok are you sure you really want to know? This is making me gag just trying to write it? Are you sure? Because, if you were quite content going about your everyday life not knowing what positively disgustingly gross thing my sensational dog could possibly think up in her little head to do, then I suggest you go on and continue with your blissful day and DO NOT read further. STOP. Warning, what you may read may shock you. So stop already. Stop now, while you still have a chance! Once you read this, I assure you, you will NEVER be normal again! Alright, alright, I can see you are persistent, but don’t say I didn’t warn you! Now where were we? Ah-ha!
What my DARLING Princess chooses to do is to proceed to the nearest trash can and not topple it over to eat left over meat or scrounge for cookies like a typical dog… No, no, no, not MY princess. She must go for diapers. Yep, the dirtier and (Gag) fuller the better. Destroyed Poopy diapers EVERYWHERE! Yum… Ok (Gag) I have a lot more to say on this subject but (Gag) I’ve gotta go! Eww!