I've finally realized and will have to admit, that I am NOT SuperMom!
You know how you think you'll be able to do everything in your life and then are shocked when it dawns on you, you actually can't do it all? Well, I am at that point.
I'm also a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Everything. Can I just say how amazingly grateful I am that there was a printing glitch with my book?
Okay, so at first, I was bummed--but now, NOW! Holy cow. I'm so relieved I'm not on tour at this moment in my life, because there is no physical way I could've done it. None at all.
So what I didn't tell anyone and have been keeping secret, so as not to needlessly worry you all is--I developed Preeclampsia during my pregnancy. For those of you who don't know what it is--it's a disease that only shows up in pregnant women, and it can lead to strokes, seizures, and aneurysms. Basically it's life threatening to the mother and can potentially kill you and the baby. (It's not a joke. And it's not something to be treated lightly either. If you hear of a mom who has or had preeclampsia, treat her very, very kindly. And make her rest!) I was in completely denial of how potentially dangerous this was.
Until the birth of my daughter. Which thankfully, thanks to the awesome doctor I had went off very smoothly. However, my recovery has not been. Shortly after my "un-book" launch party, I became very ill. And for weeks was flat on my back in bed. I could barely form coherent sentences, let along write anything! lol! And I slept for days and days while my body recovered from this disease.
I'm still a little out of it. My little one turns 7 weeks this week and I'm still finding myself a bit narcoleptic at times. Yes, my new best friend is my pillow. I won't go into all the scary details of the ifs and whens and what did happen while I was prego and after--since I did have a couple of very close calls--I'm just very grateful the Lord has taken care of me and my family at this time.
And I'm extremely overwhelmed and grateful to see that sometimes a trial as silly as NOT having your book launched when you thought it would be, can be such a blessing in disguise. I'm amazed at the love I feel every time I think of what would've happened to me--and my wee lil baby, trying to tour the USA right now (every other day on a new plane and in a new hotel) there is no way we could've done it.
I have finally given up and hung up my cape--I'm not supermom. And I'm not sure I want to be anymore. My publisher has asked me to go on tour this fall--but holding my baby in my arms, and seeing her sweet coos and smiles, I've decided not to. In fact, I've asked if I can go on tour next year when Pride & Popularity releases instead. No one knows me yet. It's basically the last year I've got to be completely anonymous, so I might as well enjoy the time I have with my family before I won't have a choice anymore and I'll have to go on tours.
The point is, I'm still going to have a book released--(yes, it's coming! lol! I promise!--though it's looking like it won't be until fall now. I'll keep you posted!) it may not be when I thought and when it was advertised for, but it isn't going to hurt my career in the long run, or jeopardize me in any way, other than make me swallow my pride and teach me patience! lol! However, it not coming out when it did--may have just saved my life--as preeclampsia is triggered greatly by stress. And thankfully, miraculously, I have the big guy upstairs watching out for me and reminding me that yeah, life isn't always the way it's planned, but it's His plan in the end and His is always the best.
Now just mom.