Why Do We Have To Go To Church, Again?

So the other day my 5 year old was sitting next to me in church. All 6 kids were beautifully dressed, pressed and reverent--sigh, yes, the picture of perfection--doesn't happen often. Anyway, I thought everything was going smoothly until this little guy sat up in his seat and looked all around himself. He looked up front to the speaker, to the sides of us and then proceeded to flip all the way around and look at everyone behind us as well.

I couldn't help but ask, "Carson, what are you doing?"

He flipped back around and leaned over. "Mom, what are we doing here, really?"

"Excuse me?" I near enough choked. "What do you mean what are we doing here? We're here to feel the Spirit and learn about the Lord."

"Yeah, I know that Mom--but why?"

"Why?"

"Yeah. Cuz, haven't you noticed that church is sooo boring? I mean, seriously, Mom. All these people just keep coming again and again, over and over... to the most boring place on earth. Why do we gotta keep coming? It's so dumb and all we do is sit here and listen. It's Sunday we could be playing at home, or doing something fun--instead we gotta come here. It's just so boring!"

Needless to say that boy learned a lesson about why it's so important to come to church and how much we owe our Heavenly Father--but not without a few chuckles and glances to my hubby. Who knew that 5 was the new 15? Seriously.

KASIE CAME TO ENGLAND!

Okay, so you wanna know the coolest thing ever? Do ya? Do Ya? Cuz, I'm gonna tell you you!!! It's when your writer friend who you've never actually met in person before but you've only known them from your blog, but you totally wrote a WHOLE book with them in ten days comes to visit you in ENGLAND!!! That is the coolest thing ever!! And to celebrate I thought you should all laugh as much as Kasie and I have in the past 5 hours since being in each other's company!!! ENJOY!



Love, Jenni! (And KASIE!)

Finished!

So Emmalee is done! YAHOOO! I'm doing the happy dance of joy! You have no idea! Not a mean feat either, I tell you! Writing three books in 7 1/2 months! I'm going crazy! ACK! But I can't stop! Writing is sooo much more fun than I ever imagined it would be. Seriously, ever toyed with the idea of writing? Well do it! It's soo cool creating something and laughing and crying and well.. going through everything with your characters! So AWESOME!

Now if only I could get published! Sheesh! So update there. STILL have 9 majorly cool pubs reading book one: Pride & Popularity. It's been four weeks. I had 12 at the beginning that quickly pared down to the 9 I have now! At this point, I guess no news is good new right?

So, what crazy things have happened to me the last couple of weeks? --Since I vowed I wouldn't really post until I finished the book!? Well, here goes:

First.
Have you ever gone to a Super cool costume party one year and then gone back the next and been the ONLY one dressed up? Yep. That was me. Went as a Gothic Princess. Black wig, super scary makeup, spider in my tiara and all. Okay, so let me amend--There were other costumes, if you count the two girls that showed up in hats. (you know I love you!) and the other lady who wore a pumpkin pin. Sheez.

So nothing like scaring the crazies out of your littlest monster when she sees you coming down the stairs! Or hey, scaring the life out of the poor British woman driving in front of you in bumper to bumper traffic on your way to the party. I KNOW she thought I was some punk using devilish curses on her, her car AND her 16 cats. I know it! She was so freaked out! A couple of times I thought the poor lady would ram into the car in front of her--since her eyes never left the rear view mirror! And what is with English cars and not having shaded windows? Honestly. Does EVERYONE need to know just what is inside your car at all times? Ugh. Oh! But hey, on a more positive note. Won the costume contest. I was relieved there was a contest. honestly. I was wondering if it was more a--hehehe! Let's get Jenni this year! Muhahah! I know she loves to dress up! She'll so fall for this! *snicker, snicker* who's got the camera? hehehe! This is SOO going on myspace.

No autographs please. Just throw money. thanks

Also, I invited over one of Britain's most elite Chefs. No joke. He serves the royal family every time they come to Cambridge. This is what happens when you go to church and brag to everyone what an amazing cook you are! okay, not EVERYONE just overly confident Chefs who need to be taken down a peg or two. LOL!

Okay, so the LAST time I had this guy over... I made my award winning apple pie. And this pie is AWESOME! Unfortunately, so was the long piece of hair that came out of HIS piece. Ugh! It would've been HIS piece. LOL! I nearly died laughing because--well, that's so murphy's law right? You brag and brag and then get nailed. So gross. I would've thrown the pie away. Any lesser person would've too. Not this guy. After very charmingly (I say charmingly, because only brits can get away saying stuff--the accent!) roasting me on the hair, he proceeded to lay it across his knee and continue eating! No joke. To return the favor he invited my hubby and I over to his house for a five star meal--that was SO AMAZING! still craving it.

Yeah, well.. I'm an american. It's my turn. I never step down from a challenge. Just gonna have to keep my hair up this time! ACK! LOL! Bring it on. Sunday will be awesome! LOL!

So speaking of church and makeup and scaring people.... I would also like to personally thank all of my church friends who not only allowed--but smiled happily in my presence--as I walked around church with raccoon eyes. Yes. Just for the record ALL mascara should be waterproof, okay? Honestly. None of this accidentally picking up the wrong mascara as you're frantically running around getting 6 kids ready for church! Only to find out as you get home and look in the mirror--you're already ready for Halloween! Evil, evil, Brits! This being polite at ALL costs needs to be addressed here and now. Look people! If I have my skirt tucked into my pantyhose, hot rollers still in my hair, peanut butter on my shirt or raccoon eyes PLEASE have the decency to tell me!!! Yep, church. Never a dull moment.

Thank you.
I will be playing live all week.
Come back. There's sure to be more. I mean, this is my life we're talking about, right?
I laugh in the face of embarrassment! Muhahaha!

England Police

This so cracked me up! Having lived in a town where there were countless bored teenagers, here in England, I so relate to this email. Hope you enjoy! LOL! Brits ROCK!

This is a genuine complaint to Devon & Cornwall Police Force (England) from an angry member of the public. A true email sent to the force, lengthy but brilliantly written....

Dear Sir/Madam/Automated telephone answering service. Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Bodmin police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Bodmin, by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or Ouija board. As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in St Mary's Crescent, which is just off St Mary's Road in Bodmin. Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building. This game is now in its third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon. The remaining five walking-abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of Calor gas that is lying on its side between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen. What I suggest is this - after replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a Panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like. I trust that when I take a claw hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me. I remain sirs, your obedient servant